Thank you, Freespeechprof!

Wow! What an amazing class this was, always reminding me of the tenuous thread between free speech (what we can express) and ethical responsibility (what we should express). With a passionate, committed professor at the helm, we are all invited to explore complicated issues and be more fully ourselves.

Thank you, Freespeechprof, for facilitating such a rich, diverse learning environment, always keeping the topics interesting and relevant through a variety of media: historical documents, photos, films, the Internet, books, blogging, seminar presentations, and audio recording of great speeches and protest songs of the 60s.

Thank you also for giving us ample opportunity to teach and learn from each other. So many times in this class, I felt strongly in my position (pornography, controversial art, hate speech) but gained a deeper understanding of the complexity of the issues through our class discussions and seminars. Furthermore, the seminar presentations were all insightful and interesting. I think we all did a stellar job.

Thank you for giving us room to ask difficult questions of ourselves and others. Thank you for making the class a safe place in which to adamantly and respectfully disagree. I will miss this class, the controversial topics and discussions, my thoughtful classmates, and our amazing teacher. Have an inspired and restful summer!

Mixed feelings about semester's end

It seems strange to me to have mixed feelings about the last couple weeks of the semester, but I do! Most people are likely ecstatic being so close to finishing the semester or, in some cases, graduating from their college careers altogether. I feel mixed because my classes are stimulating, challenging, and diverse in students. I thoroughly enjoy seminaring, workshopping, and debating with my peers! I am fortunate also to have such caring and passionate professors whose classes I look forward to each week.

Another part of me jumps up and down when I realize I won't have homework for three months, although I best get most, if not all, of my capstone's creative work done this summer in preparation for my final semester at CSUMB (see, even writing this is bittersweet). Now, of course, I have to think seriously about graduate schools. But when I think about how far I've come in my education, the commitment my supportive partner and I have made, I fill with pride at my accomplishments. It's been a long road, and I'm happy to be moving along on it!

Need to do something!

With U.S. involvement in wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, school shootings, bee population decline (a possible indication of bigger environmental problems?), an ineffectual media system, and widespread spiritual malaise, I often feel crushed and impotent, guilty of not doing enough, not taking enough action.

For the last few months, the last week in particular, I feel an urgency to do more, to get involved with gay/lesbian rights, to protest the wars, to advocate for environmental awareness. Or it can be something more intimate, less "political," like reading to kids or helping with a literacy program. In fact, since I'm an aspiring educator, literacy and nurturing a love (or at least appreciation) of the written word could well be my cause.

I don't know how others are feeling, but I feel the urge to DO something, to break out of my comfort zone, to combat all this negativity.

Listen to this...

This is a clip from youtube.com of the song "On Call" by Kings of Leon, performed on Letterman. For those of you who love fresh rock music with diverse influences, this band, Kings of Leon, is terrific. These three brothers and their cousin comprise my favorite new band. I just can't stop listening to them. Hope you enjoy the clip and possibly make a new musical discovery!

Another Kind of Speech

Someone typically known for talking in excess, always having an opinion, and speaking up in public, nature has a way of shutting me up, so to speak. Whether it's a cherry tree in bloom or lilies clustered on a bluff of Big Sur, nature stops me in my tracks. It quiets me. In lieu of politics or controversy, today I offer pictures (photo illustrations created in Photoshop) of things that often go unnoticed.

While we struggle to fully comprehend free speech issues, nature speaks volumes...with no words at all.

Family Weddings...a Gay Perspective

My partner and I have been discussing her two cousins' upcoming weddings a lot lately. Both young women are among our favorite family members from both of our families. We are happy and excited for them in their finding and symbolically culminating their romantic relationships. One wedding will be this summer; the other, this fall. Both cousins will make gorgeous brides. We are honored to have been invited to their wedding celebrations.

Admittedly, though, this genuine happiness for them is not all my partner and I have been discussing. The truth is that, on some level, we feel ambivalent about the weddings. For one thing, my partner and I have been together in a committed relationship and ever-deepening love for nine years (we just celebrated our anniversary last week), yet we as a couple are not legally and symbolically recognized as our two young cousins and their husbands will soon be. Not to take anything away from their joy and fulfillment, but weddings remind us in some way of something we cannot have at this point, though I have faith we will in the semi-near future.

For another reason, both ceremonies will likely have a strong religious tenor that further makes my partner and me uncomfortable, as neither of us is religious. Because religion itself is often used to criticize homosexuality, the religious tone will likely add another layer of discomfort. I fully respect their religious beliefs, however, and wouldn't expect their weddings to be any other way!

Perhaps less importantly, though not necessarily, the first of our cousins' weddings falls on the same day as Gay Pride in San Francisco. For the last several years, my partner and I have made a ritual of going to the city and celebrating gay pride with my niece and her best friend, who fly in from Las Vegas. Since we live in suburban South Salinas, making a pilgrimage to San Francisco (a Mecca for gay people all over the world) on Gay Pride Sunday once a year connects us to our gay culture and history. Though we celebrate and party in the streets of the Castro and take over Market Street and Civic Center, it is a symbolically potent and profound celebration of pride for the millions of us around the world who, to this day, don't enjoy the same rights and privileges as heterosexuals. In some parts of the world, even in our own country, being gay can get us killed. Though I am happy to celebrate my cousin's summer wedding, on that Sunday I will likely flash images in my mind of a rainbow flag waving gay pride into the lavender sky above the Castro in the city I call home.

Technology is glorious…when it works!

I adore the fact that I can surf the Internet, print papers from the living room, and sit in the backyard with my laptop on a sunny day. All of this gets accomplished with a wireless network. My partner’s laptop, my laptop, our desktop PC, and our printer are all gloriously entwined, sans wires. When you think about this, it is nothing short of miraculous, especially if you are rather new to both laptops and wireless networks.

And when the wireless network, this innovative system of invisible connectivity, doesn’t work, my hopes of turning in midterm papers on time and posting required blog posts are inevitably dashed, unless I want to drive 15 miles to the university campus or haunt some Internet coffee house in South Salinas. Alas, what’s a girl to do? I feel naked and violated somehow, deprived without my handy wireless network!

However will I survive a day without the Internet and e-mail? Seriously, though, I spent a few hours hurling epithets earlier today, to none other than inanimate objects (and perhaps myself for not knowing how to make my network purr again), but I got that out of my system…for now.

Haiku Lover Coming Out of the Closet...

Last week, I shared my experience of family as a lesbian in a long-term relationship. Now, I am coming out about another matter about which I am passionate: haiku! In fact, as a creative writing and social action concentration, I am beginning to work on a collection of original haiku for my capstone next semester.


Here is a brief (and superficial) definition of haiku. Haiku is a form of poetry originated in 17th century Japan of seventeen sound units (similar but not equivalent to English-language syllables). They focus on the link between nature and human nature, take place in the present, do not rhyme, and are typically three short lines (17 or fewer syllables in English). Often, haiku are referred to as "one breath poems" because they say so much in few words. Many American writers/poets have written haiku: Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg, Billy Collins, Richard Wright, and Diane Di Prima. When I discovered haiku as a viable poetic form, I fell head over heels in love. I simply am hooked.


To make it more tangible, here are a few examples of haiku I might include in my capstone collection (I'm striving for 17 syllables but usually write haiku in fewer syllables):


this lavender breeze...
a wild bobcat's eye catches
the feline in me


sleeping in her curve...
she gently brushes my breast,
pulls me in closer


rusted and empty
the weight of the last rat trap
left in the corner


anniversary...
every day for nine years
the heat of her hands


Love is also a theme I include in many of my haiku. If you're interested in learning more about haiku, here a few good Websites to view:

Young Leaves, Modern Haiku, Haiku Poets of Northern California, and Haiku Society of America.

The Different Shapes of Family

Yesterday in class, we talked passionately, both in our seminars and as a class, about what should and shouldn't be taught in school and at what age, particularly around issues of tolerance for diversity, including religious, ethnic, physical, and sexual diversity. Furthermore, we asked, "who decides?" what gets taught and to/by whom. The role of parents, communities, teachers, and the government all come into play, complicating the matter. While our discussion focused largely on the challenges of teaching family values within a Christian context and tolerance or acceptance of alternative lifestyles simultaneously, it also raised some important questions about a separation of church and state. Is there too much religious presence in our legislative bodies? How do others feel about this?

For a moment, I want to share my own experience of family. My partner and I have two dogs, which are our kids, and we love to camp in Big Sur whenever we have a chance. We have been together for nine years (this month) and plan on spending the rest of our lives together. I simply cannot imagine being without her. For all intents and purposes, we consider ourselves married in the profoundest sense, yet we are not legally recognized as such. She has her own business as a contractor, and I am a full-time student, aspiring to be a college professor.

In all honesty, I have never been a political activist in the typical sense, but I have been political in the sense that I am openly gay and have been fortunate enough to be comfortable with my sexuality. I suppose I am political in the sense that I talk honestly about my relationship and hope that by being myself I offer people a different perspective or perception of homosexuality that maybe they wouldn't have otherwise had. We are all unique! Everyone! Gay, straight, whatever. Families, too, come in all shapes and sizes. Even though there are still many people who disagree, for various reasons, with an "alternative" lifestyle, it is at least good that we are all talking about it. This itself is progress.

Need to get out of town...

For the first time this semester, I'm going out of town for a couple days. I can't wait! I'm not going to Paris or Florence or New York or San Francisco, but at least I'm getting out of town. My partner and I are going to Chukchansi with our best friend to play blackjack and roulette. Our first choice of camping in Big Sur fell through because of the rain. I don't know what it is about the prospect and reality of going somewhere else for a day or two that is so exciting, but I'm thrilled even to being going gambling up in the foothills of the Sierras! It comes down to the little things, doesn't it.

Testing Free Speech

In class yesterday, we talked extensively about the role of free speech in abolitionism. We also discussed the importance of being heard and the willingness to listen to viewpoints other than our own.

A true challenge to the notion of free speech is the right of those whose opinions are offensive in our view to freely express those views. On the ACLU of Florida Website, this point is adeptly made:

"The First Amendment exists precisely to protect the most offensive and controversial speech from government suppression. The best way to counter obnoxious speech is with more speech. Persuasion, not coercion, is the solution."

Later, the ACLU defended the right of Ku Klux Klan members to be heard, regardless of the content of their message. As a lesbian, I hear many offensive, hurtful comments directed toward my brothers and sisters in the gay/bisexual/transgender community. However, as an unwavering believer in free speech (and its implied expression), I would have to defend the right of others to protest against my lifestyle, as hateful as the tone may be, or for the Ku Klux Klan to gather to express their views. This is the true challenge. Free speech is only as strong as our ability to defend the right of people to express views most in opposition to our own. Free speech which is only spoken/heard by those with whom we agree does not test the depths and profundity of this freedom.

Missing My Samurais

No class today! Although I was grateful to get home from school a couple hours earlier, I missed seeing my seminar mates today. I was looking forward to seeing everyone, as meeting for the first time last Thursday showed that we have similar goals for working together as a group.

Furthermore, the discussion we had in class on Tuesday about the colonial history of free speech and expression (and all that these terms encompass) got my juices flowing. Free speech and expression involve so many aspects of our lives. Clearly, I would have been burned at the stake or dragged behind a boat up and down some river. More specifically, I would love to delve deeper into the history of the government legislating sexuality and/or gender roles in the United States. Apparently, sex has been legislated from the earliest days of our nation, long before there was a nation.

I look forward to class next Tuesday. I love the fact that the class focuses on free speech and appropriately balances it with ethical responsibility.

First seminar meeting...and first post

Here goes....This is my first blog post ever, anywhere.

Today in class we met in our seminar groups. I am pleasantly surprised, as we seem to have a positive, collaborative group. We spent a bit of time breaking the ice, naming our group (Seminar Samurais), and talking about parameters and aspirations we have as a semester-long seminar group.

We all agreed that everyone in the group should pull their weight, share ideas and responsibilities, and talked for a little while about past negative and positive group experiences/projects with which we have been involved. I've never before been in a group where all of us have had to pull a majority of the weight and do most of the work in previous classes (actually, last semester's Ways of Knowing group was terrific, a positive experience all around, where work was more or less evenly distributed).

We also agreed that it is difficult and stressful to have one's grade dependent upon all team members in dysfunctional teams. All that said, after the first meeting, we all seem to be on the same page.

I'm excited to work with my seminar team (a few of them classmates from previous classes) and look forward to Thursdays! On first impression, we seem to have a good rapport.