Family Weddings...a Gay Perspective

My partner and I have been discussing her two cousins' upcoming weddings a lot lately. Both young women are among our favorite family members from both of our families. We are happy and excited for them in their finding and symbolically culminating their romantic relationships. One wedding will be this summer; the other, this fall. Both cousins will make gorgeous brides. We are honored to have been invited to their wedding celebrations.

Admittedly, though, this genuine happiness for them is not all my partner and I have been discussing. The truth is that, on some level, we feel ambivalent about the weddings. For one thing, my partner and I have been together in a committed relationship and ever-deepening love for nine years (we just celebrated our anniversary last week), yet we as a couple are not legally and symbolically recognized as our two young cousins and their husbands will soon be. Not to take anything away from their joy and fulfillment, but weddings remind us in some way of something we cannot have at this point, though I have faith we will in the semi-near future.

For another reason, both ceremonies will likely have a strong religious tenor that further makes my partner and me uncomfortable, as neither of us is religious. Because religion itself is often used to criticize homosexuality, the religious tone will likely add another layer of discomfort. I fully respect their religious beliefs, however, and wouldn't expect their weddings to be any other way!

Perhaps less importantly, though not necessarily, the first of our cousins' weddings falls on the same day as Gay Pride in San Francisco. For the last several years, my partner and I have made a ritual of going to the city and celebrating gay pride with my niece and her best friend, who fly in from Las Vegas. Since we live in suburban South Salinas, making a pilgrimage to San Francisco (a Mecca for gay people all over the world) on Gay Pride Sunday once a year connects us to our gay culture and history. Though we celebrate and party in the streets of the Castro and take over Market Street and Civic Center, it is a symbolically potent and profound celebration of pride for the millions of us around the world who, to this day, don't enjoy the same rights and privileges as heterosexuals. In some parts of the world, even in our own country, being gay can get us killed. Though I am happy to celebrate my cousin's summer wedding, on that Sunday I will likely flash images in my mind of a rainbow flag waving gay pride into the lavender sky above the Castro in the city I call home.

Technology is glorious…when it works!

I adore the fact that I can surf the Internet, print papers from the living room, and sit in the backyard with my laptop on a sunny day. All of this gets accomplished with a wireless network. My partner’s laptop, my laptop, our desktop PC, and our printer are all gloriously entwined, sans wires. When you think about this, it is nothing short of miraculous, especially if you are rather new to both laptops and wireless networks.

And when the wireless network, this innovative system of invisible connectivity, doesn’t work, my hopes of turning in midterm papers on time and posting required blog posts are inevitably dashed, unless I want to drive 15 miles to the university campus or haunt some Internet coffee house in South Salinas. Alas, what’s a girl to do? I feel naked and violated somehow, deprived without my handy wireless network!

However will I survive a day without the Internet and e-mail? Seriously, though, I spent a few hours hurling epithets earlier today, to none other than inanimate objects (and perhaps myself for not knowing how to make my network purr again), but I got that out of my system…for now.

Haiku Lover Coming Out of the Closet...

Last week, I shared my experience of family as a lesbian in a long-term relationship. Now, I am coming out about another matter about which I am passionate: haiku! In fact, as a creative writing and social action concentration, I am beginning to work on a collection of original haiku for my capstone next semester.


Here is a brief (and superficial) definition of haiku. Haiku is a form of poetry originated in 17th century Japan of seventeen sound units (similar but not equivalent to English-language syllables). They focus on the link between nature and human nature, take place in the present, do not rhyme, and are typically three short lines (17 or fewer syllables in English). Often, haiku are referred to as "one breath poems" because they say so much in few words. Many American writers/poets have written haiku: Jack Kerouac, Allen Ginsberg, Billy Collins, Richard Wright, and Diane Di Prima. When I discovered haiku as a viable poetic form, I fell head over heels in love. I simply am hooked.


To make it more tangible, here are a few examples of haiku I might include in my capstone collection (I'm striving for 17 syllables but usually write haiku in fewer syllables):


this lavender breeze...
a wild bobcat's eye catches
the feline in me


sleeping in her curve...
she gently brushes my breast,
pulls me in closer


rusted and empty
the weight of the last rat trap
left in the corner


anniversary...
every day for nine years
the heat of her hands


Love is also a theme I include in many of my haiku. If you're interested in learning more about haiku, here a few good Websites to view:

Young Leaves, Modern Haiku, Haiku Poets of Northern California, and Haiku Society of America.

The Different Shapes of Family

Yesterday in class, we talked passionately, both in our seminars and as a class, about what should and shouldn't be taught in school and at what age, particularly around issues of tolerance for diversity, including religious, ethnic, physical, and sexual diversity. Furthermore, we asked, "who decides?" what gets taught and to/by whom. The role of parents, communities, teachers, and the government all come into play, complicating the matter. While our discussion focused largely on the challenges of teaching family values within a Christian context and tolerance or acceptance of alternative lifestyles simultaneously, it also raised some important questions about a separation of church and state. Is there too much religious presence in our legislative bodies? How do others feel about this?

For a moment, I want to share my own experience of family. My partner and I have two dogs, which are our kids, and we love to camp in Big Sur whenever we have a chance. We have been together for nine years (this month) and plan on spending the rest of our lives together. I simply cannot imagine being without her. For all intents and purposes, we consider ourselves married in the profoundest sense, yet we are not legally recognized as such. She has her own business as a contractor, and I am a full-time student, aspiring to be a college professor.

In all honesty, I have never been a political activist in the typical sense, but I have been political in the sense that I am openly gay and have been fortunate enough to be comfortable with my sexuality. I suppose I am political in the sense that I talk honestly about my relationship and hope that by being myself I offer people a different perspective or perception of homosexuality that maybe they wouldn't have otherwise had. We are all unique! Everyone! Gay, straight, whatever. Families, too, come in all shapes and sizes. Even though there are still many people who disagree, for various reasons, with an "alternative" lifestyle, it is at least good that we are all talking about it. This itself is progress.