My partner and I have been discussing her two cousins' upcoming weddings a lot lately. Both young women are among our favorite family members from both of our families. We are happy and excited for them in their finding and symbolically culminating their romantic relationships. One wedding will be this summer; the other, this fall. Both cousins will make gorgeous brides. We are honored to have been invited to their wedding celebrations.
Admittedly, though, this genuine happiness for them is not all my partner and I have been discussing. The truth is that, on some level, we feel ambivalent about the weddings. For one thing, my partner and I have been together in a committed relationship and ever-deepening love for nine years (we just celebrated our anniversary last week), yet we as a couple are not legally and symbolically recognized as our two young cousins and their husbands will soon be. Not to take anything away from their joy and fulfillment, but weddings remind us in some way of something we cannot have at this point, though I have faith we will in the semi-near future.
For another reason, both ceremonies will likely have a strong religious tenor that further makes my partner and me uncomfortable, as neither of us is religious. Because religion itself is often used to criticize homosexuality, the religious tone will likely add another layer of discomfort. I fully respect their religious beliefs, however, and wouldn't expect their weddings to be any other way!
Perhaps less importantly, though not necessarily, the first of our cousins' weddings falls on the same day as Gay Pride in San Francisco. For the last several years, my partner and I have made a ritual of going to the city and celebrating gay pride with my niece and her best friend, who fly in from Las Vegas. Since we live in suburban South Salinas, making a pilgrimage to San Francisco (a Mecca for gay people all over the world) on Gay Pride Sunday once a year connects us to our gay culture and history. Though we celebrate and party in the streets of the Castro and take over Market Street and Civic Center, it is a symbolically potent and profound celebration of pride for the millions of us around the world who, to this day, don't enjoy the same rights and privileges as heterosexuals. In some parts of the world, even in our own country, being gay can get us killed. Though I am happy to celebrate my cousin's summer wedding, on that Sunday I will likely flash images in my mind of a rainbow flag waving gay pride into the lavender sky above the Castro in the city I call home.
4 comments:
Hello dog sur,
If I have to thank education for something is being more senstitive to other's perspectives and standing points. We tend to think that a couple is made of a man and a woman, and we make the mistake of calling someone's partner "wife"or "husband", but the truth is that many established (and commited )couples are not heterosexual. As a said before, I thank education for making me aware of these types of mistakes. I honestly have learned to be more careful and not assume that a womans has a husband and a man a wife. As a result when I hear some people say that are discriminated against or feel that their rights have being violated (like for example they are pulled over by police.. ) I wondered if they really know what s like to be really really discriminated against, to claim so. So I think of the LGBTQ community whose rights are totally ignored. Last week a went to an event in Santa Cruz where one of the office managers invited her partner, and she was telling us that she works in a car shop, and she is teaching the guys in the shop to use this special tool, (or machine) and that ther are surprised how much she knows (and she laughs a lot) about these things, and I thougth, "shoot!! how long is going to take our society to understand that we all are humans".... perhaps a BA right?
(I ams sorry I had to post it as anonymuous becasue my computer does not allow cookies but i I am freevoiz)
Hello dog sur,
If I have to thank education for something is being more senstitive to other's perspectives and standing points. We tend to think that a couple is made of a man and a woman, and we make the mistake of calling someone's partner "wife"or "husband", but the truth is that many established (and commited )couples are not heterosexual. As a said before, I thank education for making me aware of these types of mistakes. I honestly have learned to be more careful and not assume that a womans has a husband and a man a wife. As a result when I hear some people say that are discriminated against or feel that their rights have being violated (like for example they are pulled over by police.. ) I wondered if they really know what s like to be really really discriminated against, to claim so. So I think of the LGBTQ community whose rights are totally ignored. Last week a went to an event in Santa Cruz where one of the office managers invited her partner, and she was telling us that she works in a car shop, and she is teaching the guys in the shop to use this special tool, (or machine) and that ther are surprised how much she knows (and she laughs a lot) about these things, and I thougth, "shoot!! how long is going to take our society to understand that we all are humans".... perhaps a BA right?
(I ams sorry I had to post it as anonymuous becasue my computer does not allow cookies but i I am freevoiz)
Hi Freevoiz,
Thank you for your thoughtful response. What I intended with this post is to merely give another perspective on the issue of weddings and partnerships. Thank you for sharing your insights and experience.
Sincerely,
Dogsur
Well written article.
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